Back to basics

It’s been a while since I put my thoughts into words. It’s a funny thing that I’m inspired more when I’m depressed. A little too awkward but fairly honest. And honesty is not my religion, it won’t even fit to my mold. Can’t grasp it; don’t control it; won’t handle it. It’s so not me.

I’m always afraid of myself and what others have to say. I don’t feel contentment. I wanna fly, float to the clouds, scream I’m not ok, give up while I can and fall for the wrong guy. But I can’t; just can’t.


memories of the past p1.

Whenever I look back, I thought things should've been better if I made right choices, if I chose love over hatred, joy over pride. If I've been determined enough or if I gave my best shot. But I know wishful thinking are just shadows of the past. Time will never stop or go back. And maybe, things are meant to happen.

I remember the first time I fell in love. He practically introduced me to the real world. The very first guy who made me realize how special I am, and how to live life to the fullest. He made me see things that are barely noticeable, and I was so contented with the life I have knowing he's always there to be my other half.

There has been a lot of up's and down's in our relationship, as normal couples encounter. I was way too jealous about his ex-girlfriends, he has been protecting me too much and it made me hard to breathe. There are a lot of differences, all this, and all that. Still, at the end of the day, we shared i love you's.

Everything seemed to be perfect, until I was encouraged to explore the other side of the world.

I joined the pep squad. I was so enthusiastic at that time since it'll be my first time to be in a cheering squad plus I'd get the chance to meet new friends in our college, and new.... boys.

Being in a squad will reap all of your strength. Practice is hell, and you'll sweat like a dog. But we'll all end the day with a smile knowing we have accomplished something, that's a really good feeling.

I also met this guy in the squad who's really eager to court me despite knowing I have a boyfriend. He keeps on saying: "Ok lang naman sa 'kin yun..". He really annoys me whenever he intrudes in my classes. My friends often tells me: "Andyan si stalker mo" *sigh*

It was a normal day then when I received a text message from an unknown sender. I replied asking who he is. Seconds passed and he replied. To my disbelief, the name that flashed in the screen clearly stated the name of my crush.

OMG. That's all I have to say.

Well, this guy, represents our college in the pageant. He's an eye catcher. He's basically all that. *wink*

We had a long conversation through sms. Both of us are in a relationship, and we knew it. He's actually forcing me to like his friend - the stalker. I don't know what came to me but I manage to utter a half meant joke.... "alam mo, hindi ko tlga gus2 c ...., if given a chance, ikaw pa gu2s2hin ko.. joke.. haha =p"

To my disbelief, this was his response: "di nga? pero alam mo, kung ndi ka lang gus2 ni ...., wla kang bf at wla lang akong gf, liligawan kita.."

I thought this was just a joke so I replied.. "Alam mo, qng ndi ln aq gus2 ng friend mo, wla aqng bf, at niligawan mko, sasagutin kita"

then he said: "kita tayo sa school bukas"

I was so freaking scared at that time, I honestly don't know what to do. I keep on texting him there wasn't any response. I was just so frightened about what might happen. I also felt a little pinch of guilt when I thought about my bf.

Day after, I was in school, I saw him at the corner of my eye and pretended i did not. Suddenly, I received a text message from him saying "niloloko mo lang ata ako kahapon". I didn't respond.

Days passed, he still sms me, I'm always responsive on his sms but I don't talk to him personally. I feel so guilty about everything. Until one day I needed to attend a party.

At around 8 pm, I attended the birthday party of my friend, who happens to be a common friend of everyone including my crush and the stalker. I was just so pissed because the latter keeps on following me wherever I go. I was so annoyed and frustrated then my crush came to me and said "tara dun tayo"

I knew, this would be hard.
We had a conversation, it's like this.

HIM: "Iniiwasan mko sa schl?"
ME: "Ndi, bc lang tlga.."
HIM: "Ano na ba tayo? Alam mo kaya ko nmn ciang iwan para sa'yo. Alam mo nmng ndi nko masaya sa kanya eh"

ME: "Ano ka ba nmn antagal2 nio na, 3 yrs na kau magttwo yrs na kmi ng bf ko"
HIM: "wla nmn sa tagal yan eh, kaya kong gawin un para sa'yo"
ME: "Ndi kc tama, madami tayong masasagasaan"
HIM: "ganun tlga, pag-icpan mo.."

Then he left me. Confused.

---to be continued.


missing it.

It has been a while since I've felt the toxicity of my work station and the nature of my work itself. It's odd - though I miss those days when I need to speak straight english for the entire shift. *nosebleed*

Americans can really be nice to you. But if you start to mumble, and they feel you're not so sure about what you were saying, they'll eat you alive. Believe me, I've been there, done that, and its hard to get out of the situation.

Good thing is, if they like you, it's freakin' crazy how they'd express it. There are instances wherein they would even cry *you'll sense it*, and commend you for a job well done.

There's also a handful of callers who'll insist to speak with an American representative. Racist as we tag them, but it's they're choice. After all, life's a choice.

And as for hard customers, those who consider profanity as part of their language, we actually fight back without them knowing it. Using mute buttons would be the most popular type. But the funnier attack is to say: "in a moment sir/ ma'am, in a moment".

Did you actually get it? "in a moment" or should I say "inamo ment" haha... great tactic huh? silly me. *wink*